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The end of a journey is near, hopefully


Stuck in Toronto
I did not announce it, at least I do not think I did to the forum in general, that my mother passed away in July. Thankfully she finally had a will done in January of this year. The will is simple, assets are to be split between my brother and myself. The only non-normal clause is that I am to manage the finances for my brother.

My brother has learning disabilities. Math especially was the worst thing for him. When he delivered newspapers he had to have a "cheat sheet" showing how much change to give based on the amount he was given. He is also socially awkward, never made friends very easily, etc. He lived at home his whole life. If he was a kid now he would probably be diagnosed on the autism spectrum, but when he was young he was diagnosed with attention deficit and hyper active. I still need to look into if there is some sort of program that covers him, as really he was an adult dependent of my mom's.

We have found him a place to live. It is a non-profit for seniors (he is 55 next week) that they bent the rules a bit on to get him in.

I have been getting mom's house ready to sell. It had to be sold, she had a line of credit against it that needs to be paid, it needs too much work that would take too long to do and cost too much for me to take on and use it as a rental property. That would have been the ideal situation, but the numbers do not work.

My mom would not throw anything away if it still worked. We had no floors that could be polished, but she insisted on keeping a power floor polisher since 1973 because "it was good". That sort of sums up cleaning the house out. We have had a 20 yard bin that we filled. We then had two days with a junk removal service that has trucks that are 10x8x5 feet. I needed them for the heavy stuff including an old "Indiana Jones surviving the nuclear blast" refrigerator.

The house has been all painted and the carpets professionally cleaned this past week.

We are down to the point where we have to make it look "sale ready" which of course means no clutter, all surfaces empty of "stuff". I took my brother to a house for sale last week that our agent found. We went through and I pointed out how it looked and we needed ours to look that way. I thought this would help. No, it did not take. Yesterday while I am cleaning stuff away, he was putting stuff right where I had cleared it off. This is how the whole process has gone. He has not helped at all and in many cases makes it worse. The only reason I have not punched him in the face this far is that I know it is really hard for him.

The house will be listed Tuesday, today is the last day I can be there to get it ready. It will be a tough one because we are down to his room which needs to be cleaned up a lot. He is not organized at all. He will resist the most with his room.

Sorry for the long, somewhat depressing post. I did need to rant a little and my wife has heard a lot, so I am giving her a break.

Lindsay Pennell

Active Member
Premium Member
I really sympathise Don and feel for you on many levels. It sounds, though, like you have approached all this with care and thought both for Mum and your brother, possibly putting yourself at the back of the queue for consideration (necessity, I hear you say, but it doesn't make it hurt any less). I hope you get this last hurdle dealt with without too much difficulty and a quick sale, so you can pick up your own life again.
Thoughts are with you.


Looking for a cause.
Feel for you Don, I have been through exactly the same after my father died I took on the role of sorting out all his finances before splitting what was left over with my brother (all after going through probate), I still have all his bank slips, bills, and the costs of his funeral in a file just in case I ever need to go back through it with anyone, even though it's been 16 years.



Always on
This situation you're dealing with sure is a hard one at the moment. Family is always hard to cope with. Been there and done that. All I can say is it will get better.

Check out some Stoic philosophy. It helps me out on a daily basis


Stuck in Toronto
It is as ready as I can get it. My brother eventually helped a bit yesterday when it came to his room. It is still not ideal in his room, but it is much better.


Stuck in Toronto
The house is now listed for sale. If anyone wants to move to a small town along the shore of Lake Ontario, let me know :)


Stuck in Toronto
On the upside, we had our first showing yesterday. Always positive to get someone in to look in the first 24 hours.